Friday, February 13, 2009

Gloom, Dispair, and Agony On Me

It’s Friday, and I’m distraught.
I’m not supposed to be distraught on a Friday. Fridays are supposed to feel relieved, happy, and joyful. I’m distraught because Iris missing.
I’ll pause while you take a moment to reflect on the gravity of the situation.

Now, In case you don’t know, Iris is my iPhone.
This morning as I was gathering up my things to leave, I realized she wasn’t in her normal place.
Like most guys, I have a place where I empty my pockets when I get home every day.
Well, I actually have a few different places where this might happen, but Iris wasn’t in any of them.

So, frantically I started looking in any other place I thought she might be.
On my desk?…no
On the bathroom counter from when I took her out of my pocket to give the boys a bath?
How about somewhere by or under the pile of clothes in the living room floor that I was working on folding last night while I watched “The Office”?
“OH NO!” The realization set in that I might not be able to find her before I had to leave. I thought maybe I better check and see what time it is. Oh Crap, I was 3 minutes late already.
I had to leave right then.

So out the door I went. Dropped Gavin off at Karen’s and off to work without my beloved Iris.
(Karen is my wonderful mother-in-law. I couldn’t ask for better in-laws. More about her in a minute.)

As I drove to work, listening to the radio (Wow, how long has it been since I listened to the radio?) I pondered the things I could be doing if she had been with me….
Listening to one of the many podcasts I listen to, checking my e-mail, looking at my daily to do list and figuring out my plan for the day, or even listening to the most recent episode of LOST that I’d download from itunes a couple days before. (Don’t worry I don’t watch tv while I drive usually, I just lay it in the passenger seat and listen to it.) But sadly, today my headphones sat in the passenger seat looking useless.

Of course, my mind was preoccupied with trying to figure out where she could be.
Let’s think through last night events….
1.)Got home
2.)Hopped in the car with Kristi to go to Karen’s to hang out and watch Survivor.
3.)Took boys home to get a bath (Had Iris and laid her on the counter)
4.)back to Karen’s to see visiting friends of the family.
5.)While hanging out, Kristi mentioned “Dancing with the Stars” she wasn’t aware the cast lIst for this year had been announced. I looked up the list on the internet on my iPhone to show her pics.
6.)Headed home in Kristi’s car.
Got home and went to bed.

So the way I figure it, Iris is either….At Karen’s, In Kristi’s car, or somewhere at home that I haven’t thought to look yet.
If she’s at home, I’m sure I’ll find her tonight.
If she’s in Kristi’s car, I’ll be able to find out when Kristi gets home. (You might think I could just call Kristi either on her phone or mine but I tried that. She never answers her phone anyway. She uses it for outbound call only. Now that aggravation is a whole blog in itself.)

In case she’s at Karen’s, I think I should send a special message to my mother-in-law….

You know how much I love you, right? I mean, you gave me Iris for Christmas. I love you for a lot of reasons, but today that is one of the big ones.
But, I am also aware of how you look at Iris. I saw the glimmer in your eye when you borrowed her to play checkers a couple weeks ago.
I know you want to have an Iris of your own. I figure if I left her there you would have told me when I dropped Gavin off this morning, right?
I wouldn’t imagine that you would hide Iris from me. Or would you?
If you have her, I would only ask that you consider letting her come back home.
I don’t really have any money for a ransom, but I’m sure we can work something out.
I just know I miss Iris and I trust, if she’s with you today, you’ll take good care of her.
-Your favorite son in law,

So here I sit, having to use my computer to get to the internet. Having to use Outlook to check my e-mail.
If you need me. Don’t text or call my cell today. I don’t have her with me.

With great sadness,

Right before I hit post on this Karen called me and said “You’re not going to believe this. The phone gods have been kind to me. I just found an iPhone and a credit card in my seat cushion. She actually called her Iris. That makes me smile.
So, my sadless is a little lessened. At least Karen has told me she’ll give her back.

Glad Iris is ok… but still wishing she was with me.


  1. Don't fool yourself, Matt's her favorite.

  2. And the deep, dark depression has been lifted. I'm glad you've located your precious!

  3. It seems to me that you have enslaved yourself to a device that doesn't make your life easier (although you now have less stuff in your pockets). It seems that it tells you all of the stuff that you need to do. I think that an intervention is in order. I bet if I were to steal it and put it on my finger and turn invisible you would hop on my back and bite my finger off before falling with a contented look on your face into hot lava inside Mt Doom. Gollum. Gollum. We don't likes the fat Hobbetses now do we?

  4. Joseph I'm going to ignore most of what you said and focus on this one thought... the iPhone can make you invisible!?! Awesome. I've got to download that app. Ah, my precious, only 6 more hrs and we'll be together again.

  5. I'm just going to point point out that there were three Lord of the Rings references on this page, and that none of them were instigated by me.

    Let me bask for a moment in the awesomeness that is that fact.

    And Shawn, I'm the same way with my CrackBerry.

  6. If you carried a man purse, this would not be a problem... :)