Shwnstnsn

This was too good not to share. (But be warned, I reference some language I wouldn’t normally use that may not be appropriate for younger readers. =)

I recently decided to attempt online gaming.  This is a nerdy activity that I’ve always wanted to attempt, but assumed I didn’t have fast enough internet connection. Thankfully, I was wrong. For the past couple weeks I’ve spent some late nights enjoying the game “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2”. For you non-gamers out there, it’s a war game where you try to blow everyone up while they’re trying to blow you up. I absolutely love it.

When you first sign onto Playstation Network it requires you to create an ID for yourself. That is a name that will be displayed over your character at all times so others will know who you are. As I am not very creative, I decided to use an old e-mail address of mine, SHWNSTNSN. It’s simply my name without any vowels. Unfortunately, what I didn’t know was that people usually pick a name that can be pronounced. One of the cool features of this game is that with a bluetooth headset, you can talk to the other players. This comes in very handy on a game like this as you can work together or just talk smack to your opponents. So a name like BigSarge66 or Hitman47 might be very appropriate and easy for people to use to talk to you. Unfortunately shwnstnsn is not so easy. I had been using it for about a week without anything of interest happening. Since I didn’t have a headset, I could only hear what others were saying and could not reply, So folks were not talking to me. On Friday night that all changed.

01/22/10 2300hrs…
I’m hiding on top of an abandoned house, I have no doubt someone will be coming along soon. I have my sniper rifle ready to take someone out with a clean headshot. I have also strategically placed some claymore mines around the house in case anyone slips by my eagle eye and manages to get close to me. Then I see him. In the distance… “Gfulk2008” is heading my way. I have him in my sights, I take a breath, steady my aim, then…. “slice”. That’s the sound I hear as “WhosyoDaddy” knifes me in the back. Apparently he had come around the back and snuck up behind me.

I wish that were the end of the story… but no. He then says to his buddy, Gfulk2008, “Hey G, I just knifed this shwnstnsn guy.” He pronounced it like schwanstonson in a feeble attempt to understand what it was. Then he went on…. “How do you pronounce it anyway?” Gfulk answered, “I’m not sure, but after the way you took him out, it looks like it should be “s_ _t stain.” They both erupted in laugher. “Yeah, that’s what we’ll call him, s _ _t stain!” Clearly they were enjoying this. But me, in my living room, was not enjoying it so much. My response, which they could not hear… “Aw Man! NOOOOO!”

For the next 10 minutes, that was their war cry! Anytime they would kill me, and it happened a lot. I would hear it. “s…stain!” If they couldn’t find me “Hey, Where’s …stain?” If they took me by surprise and killed me, instead of saying “Alright!” they’d simply yell out “s…stain!!” Honestly, it got pretty funny. I got to where I was laughing so hard, I was almost enjoying getting killed just to hear their reactions.I think the best moment of all was one of the times I killed Gfulk and Whosyoudaddy made fun of him for being taken out by “the s…stain”.

Needless to say, I changed my name the following day. Thanks to Ethan’s suggestion you can now find (and kill) me under the name DonnerBlitzen. I’m very glad Ethan is more creative than I am.