Top 12 signs the worship service isn't going well...
1 The lyrics are vague enough that they could either be about God, your cocker spaniel, or your boyfriend/girlfriend.2. The congregation has at least three trained marksmen, who, if they triangulate their fire, could end this service before things get any worse...:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
3. Portions of the congregation are trying to figure out a way to leave during the next prayer, assuming enough people have their eyes closed and the ushers are not blocking the exits.4. The congregation is considering sending the worship team on an extended missions trip to the most hostile places they can think of.
5. You are considering coming to the church during the week for no other reason other than to install a series of remote-operated trap doors in the platform.6. You have decided that if you bang your head really hard on the pew in front of you, you should wake up sometime during the last five minutes of the sermon, or during Wednesday night prayer meeting.7. You're tempted to stand up where you are and close the service in a word of prayer.8. You find yourself reading bulletins in your Bible that date back to last year's Good Friday service.9. You're starting to think that this particular church service would have been the basis of a great episode of Seinfeld.
10. You begin to think of funny typos that you could insert into each PowerPoint slide, but then decide that nothing could be funnier that what's already up there.
11. You long for the sweet release of death.
12 The guy running the PowerPoint is on a completely different song, but it doesn't seem to matter as the worship team is completely lost and the congregation stopped singing ten minutes ago.